What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
