Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this will be a night to untag.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
