I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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