I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
