I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
