Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
