Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
