It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
