oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you would pick up someone in the library
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
