i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i've created a new STD.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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