I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
