# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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