Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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