he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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