you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
