just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
