Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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