Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
