I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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