**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
