did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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