Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
