The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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