Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
