That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
