you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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