ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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