He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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