meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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