drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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