There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
