does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
