Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
