What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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