True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
