got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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