I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
