if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Enjoy the penises
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
