I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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