She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've blown a few things in my day
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
