I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we're so committed to being not committed
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
