ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
