Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Jerry, you need to find god
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
