if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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