And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
