I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
