Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
