You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
