Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
