so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
